Depression

Depression...it's described as a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities (c) Wikipedia.org...When i first read this i thought nah i may have low self esteem but i dont suffer from depression...im just in a funk that ill come out of...Well tonight for whatever reason ive come to the realization that im lying to myself and others...i suffer from dperession...my favorite artists are all depressed I.E Eminem, Joe Budden, Kid Cudi, Charles Hamilton even Blink 182 (yes i listen to a little rock music)...No matter what im doing im not happy...no matter who im with im not happy...i knew something was wrong a month ago when me and a girl to be anonymous were having sex and i couldnt focus...even while i was having sex with her i wasnt happy and believe me when i tell you to me thats never happended before...i havent called her or hit her up on facebook since and its not because shes a bad person or boring its just that i dont want to dissapoint her...my whole life it seems like whenever i want something i get the complete opposite...when i want a girl she doesnt want me and then when she wants me i no longer want her...its bad enough the situation me and this girl are in but im making it worse...What A SUPRISE!...so i ask whoever might read this whether your a friend or some random person who jus happended to stumble upon this blog from the blue is it depression when i take 4 percasette when not a muscle hurts in my body...is it depression when you think about someone all day long and you know their not thinking about you...is it depression when you dont answer phone calls because your family hurts you as much as your friends do...is it depression when you decide to go out nobody can and when you want to say home everybody wants to talk to you and when you really need to talk to someone all you have is yourself...is it depression when you watch your father kill himself and no matter how hard you try to help him he ignores you...Well if this is all depression...Why dont i shed a tear?...why dont i go see a therapist?...and as much as i would love to believe that i dont give a fuck what anybody says or thinks about me why is it everytime my ear rings and i say who it is its always the same person and that upsets me more than anything else..I guess im too prideful to ask for help but i need it...whatever ~1~